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Speed 2. Caddyshack 2. Exorcist 2. Star Wars Episode II. These are what
are typically named as the worst direct sequels ever.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 may be worse than a quadruple feature of all of
those. I mean it when I say Paul Blart 2 is one of the most unfunny,
moronic, brain cell killing experiences I've had in a cinema. There's
an extended sequence where an old man eats a rotten banana that goes on
for around 15 seconds. The film begins with Blart's elderly mom getting
killed by a milk truck. There's a part where Blart interrupts a stage
show and knocks out all the dancers by spinning around on a rope while
squealing. There's a part where Blart is attacked by and beats an
exotic bird while a piano player nods and smiles (DUDE JUXTAPOSITION
LMAO). There's a entire segment dedicated to showcasing multiple
Checkov's Guns in the form of a mall cop convention (As if those even
existed). I dunno
I didn't enjoy it.
Blart is somehow more unlikable this time around. Rather than a smug
dumbass, he's now a smug asshole. The "film" is 50% him making fun of
people, 30% Blart falling down, 20% plot holes, and 0% funny. I maybe
chucked at some points, but truth is I don't even remember the movie or
what it was I chucked at. I can say for sure there are more helicopter
shots reminding the target audience (Who to be fair also probably need
to be reminded to breathe and blink) that the movie is set in Vegas
than there were chuckles.
You know that rotten banana I mentioned? Paul Blart 2 is that banana,
and the man eating is is the decrepit and moronic public eating up the
film's schlock yet again, probably paving the way for another
opportunity for Adam Sandler and co. to shill even more money out of
Hollywood for his posse. Like my painful experience with Transformers
4, people once again applauded upon conclusion, one elderly couple
saying "That was too funny!"
There's tastes in humor and then there's standards in humor. Paul Blart
2 wasn't unfunny to me because it did not pander to my sense of humor.
If anything it should have; with all the misogyny and ridiculing of fat
people it should have struck my dark humor funny bone. However, there's
no gags, there's no punchlines, there's no jokes. There's also no
emotional backbone, chemistry, or even real characters to back it up.
Characters literally appear and disappear throughout the narrative. I
don't even think the villain had a name. I don't think anyone not buds
with Blart had one.
This time around, not only is Paul Blart a bland copy of Die Hard, but
Taken and Ocean's 11. The plot is a cluster-f of nothing. The first 45
minutes are, like I mentioned, just Blart riding around and getting up
in everyone's faces for "comedic" purposes, with plenty of empty time
given for the target audience to laugh hysterically at like a bad
sitcom. The actual "Paul Blart beating baddies" isn't until the film's
finale, and even then he doesn't actually beat anyone, because all of
his "weapons" are stupidly non-lethal, including a stun gun that only
stuns people for 5 seconds, a gun that shoots gum, a gun that spills
marbles vertically, and a bean bag cannon. Two characters actually fall
asleep in the movie, one of them twice. I felt a kinship to them for
There's a romantic subplot with Blart's daughter and a bellhop that
goes literally nowhere and an even more forced "romantic subplot"
between a hotel manager and Blart. She gets progressively wetter and
wetter for him throughout the film, which to me is too far of a stretch
of imagination to comprehend and accept. This also leads to nowhere.
The female cop on the horse in he trailer? That is literally the
ending. Blart himself is beyond unlikable and revolting. He is not
reluctant like John McClain from Die Hard, he craves to be the center
of attention since his saving on the mall 6 years ago became utterly
irrelevant the day after (I wish I could say the same for the movie
itself). He's incompetent, rude, crude, and physically unable to
actually do anything heroic. He'd make a good anti-hero if he wasn't
presented as this humble all American goody two shoes as the movie
The movie doesn't even take place in a mall. What's up with that? With
truly atrocious jokeless dialogue ("I will bring a folk guitar to a
pumpkin fight, because that's how crazy I am!"), beyond unlikable
characters, an incompetent lead, a transparent and personality-less
villain, disappearing subplots, stretched imagination, cliché and trope
filled writing I can say Baul Plart: pop Tart Too is one of the worst
films I've ever seen. Offensively stupid and brash, this blatant
cashgrab managed one seemingly impossible feat, sink even lower than
the previous film. Utterly baffling, this 1.5 hour Wynn commercial (Not
a single scene takes place outside of it once they arrive) is to me the
Transformers 2 of comedy, a wretched anorexic piece with no soul,
craft, or effort put into it at all. The fraction of points I award it
are for the laughs my friends and I had at making fun of it and a
single shot that lasted a third of a second that looked pretty cool.
Tags for Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 Full Movie
, Kevin James
, Neal McDonough
, Raini Rodriguez
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